this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
