May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
