You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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