first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
