i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
