Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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