Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
