call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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