don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
