She said her name was "party"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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