if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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