Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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