you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
