I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
