You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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