like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
