bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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