So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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