I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
birth control should be required to get into college
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
