Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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