Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
