I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
