Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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