Your face is a jimmy john
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
