I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
