i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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