i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
