Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
