You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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