if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
