Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize