So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
