Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
