dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
