Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
