six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
