dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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