Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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