he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
