my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize