It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
