i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
