You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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