sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
