Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
