Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
