I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize