So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
True strength comes from lack of pants
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
