When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
