She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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