I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
