For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
