This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
