I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
