I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
