I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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