Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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