a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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