I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
