hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
