You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Boobs speak an international language.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
