He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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