It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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