I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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