i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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