about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
