Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
