I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Randomize
