whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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