Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
