i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
