Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
