okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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