Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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