I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
