Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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